Why you don’t feel ready

Hey Reader,

Is there something you’d like to do, someone you’d like to become, or something you’d like to make… but you just don’t feel ready?

I’ve been there.

In fact, at the time of writing this, I am there. Distractions seem to fly in at an alarming rate the moment I sat at the desk this morning.

Underneath all the procrastination lies something far more sinister:

That sinking feeling that I’m not ready.

That feeling that in order to write this, I need to be better. Or do better. Or have better. And until I feel ready… I just shouldn’t do this at all.

Because it’s better to do it right than suck…

Sound familiar?

• How many business ideas have you kicked down the road?
• How many phone calls have you avoided making?
• How many classes have you started instead of doing the thing?
• How many creative projects have you started and not finished?

We don’t feel ready… so we don’t even try.

But we're not alone:

• Only 8% of people finish their New Year’s Resolutions. (Source: Project Management Institute, Pulse of the Profession, 2018)
• Only 6.8% of online courses are ever actually finished. (Source: International Review of Research in Open and Distributed Learning, 2018)
• On average, readers finish only about 48% of the books they start. (Source: Goodreads, 2016)
• Globally, there is a high level of entrepreneurial intention (wantrepreneurs unite!) but the actual rate of entrepreneurial activity is much lower. (Source: Global Entrepreneurship Monitor, 2019/2020)

We don’t feel ready.

But what happens if we let that feeling creep into the control room?

What happens if we filter our decisions through the emotional algorithm of “not ready?”

Let's say you don’t feel like you’re ready to start that side-hustle you’ve been thinking about for years.

You start your adventure on YouTube. Then enroll in some side-hustle class that you never watch. Then talk about the idea with your friends (or if you’re honest… your mom). She asks if you’ve put together business plan. Didn’t know anything about that… so you head back to YouTube, and so on.

You get stuck learning.

Learning feels productive. But… the more you know, the more you discover things you don’t know.

It never ends.

And then nothing gets done. Your side hustle never actually makes it off the ground. You see someone else out there who is doing exactly what you were going to do… and killing it.

You were never ready, and this proves it.

You feel left behind.

You feel small.

You feel like you need to do better… or be better.

And yet… against all odds… a little spark of motivation buried under the negative emotions still burns. It weathered the storm.

After all, you know you could have won if you tried. At least you didn’t fail. You’ll be ready soon. And then… you come up with another great idea.

So you head to YouTube, and…

The cycle continues.

I call this the Learning Loop of Death.

You have an idea, or a goal, or a want. But you don’t quite feel like you’re ready for the challenge. Then you do nothing... or you do the wrong things.

Then nothing happens.

These failures start to stack up. Your self confidence takes a nose dive and never comes back to baseline. Your decision-making algorithm rewires towards protection instead of growth.

As the cycle continues, your ideas get smaller. And eventually, you stop having them.

All from not feeling ready.

Imagine how many opportunities you will miss if you allowed the cycle to continue. The experiences you could have. The feeling of iron-clad self confidence. The rewards of a risk well-taken: Time and Money.

Imagine how much you will hold back from others if the wheel keeps turning. How many people could your story help? How much more could you provide for your family? What good could you create in the world?

We need to stop the cycle.

And what better place to start than where it begins:

Why you don’t feel ready.

Let’s get this straight: I’m no shrink. But I am human. And this human has had a particularly negative mental soundtrack for most of his life. I know how depression and anxiety feel.

If you suspect that your mental health is not in not in great shape… talk to someone.

The primary reason why most of us struggle with not feeling ready is simply the fear of failure.

But here’s the thing: fear of failure is sneaky. If you don’t think you’re afraid of failure (I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!), ask yourself if any of these are true:

• You’re worried about what other people think
• You need to be more like (someone) to be successful
• Your inner voice is extremely critical
• Your goals always seem out of reach - unattainable because of something you can’t control

If any of these sound familiar, it’s likely that you’re afraid to fail.

And here’s the thing: That’s OK.

It’s natural. No one wants to fail, and we should have a healthy amount of fear around failing.

What becomes unhealthy is when we allow our defense mechanisms to become overprotective to the point of holding us back.

The three pillars of the fear of failure

Three pillars are responsible for building and maintaining the fear of failure:

• How you perceive your own weaknesses.
• How you define success & what it requires.
• How you perceive the consequence of failure.

Each pillar can be built up or broken down, building or lowering our level of fear.

With a high level of fear, we’d expect our defense mechanisms to rev into high gear. And, sure, your decision-making abilities are crippled by a strong fear… but here’s the crazy thing:

The pillars are the defense mechanisms.

Each pillar is not fact: it is perspective.

Opinion, not objectivity.

Belief, not truth.

When your mind senses risk, your defense mechanisms kick in. Especially if you’ve experienced failure or trauma. Your perspective changes, and those pillars grow taller. And each pillar feels like reality. It feels like objective truth.

It rarely is.

But it’s hard to realize that in the moment. Only in hindsight do we realize that these pillars stand on the backs of ghosts and the shifting sands of past experiences.

So how can we get an objective look at our perspectives?

What can we do when we’ve built one of those mental pillars too high?

Let’s take them one by one:

The Self: Pillar One

The first pillar is centered around how you view yourself.

Specifically, your self esteem: How confident you are in your own abilities. Your worth.

If you see yourself as unskilled, or weak, or prone to failure, or someone who gives up… You’re not going to feel up to the task in front of you.

You feel like you’re not ready because YOU aren’t ready.

The problem is you. Even if it isn’t.

But how do you know if your perspective is based in truth and reality?

In video games, especially RPGs like Diablo or Elder Scrolls, it’s easy. Your character’s level is plainly measured with a skill bar and a number right there on the screen. If you’re walking around at a level 12, trying to tackle that level 99 dungeon would be ill-advised.

If only life were that simple.

Without skill meters and character levels, how can you tell if your self esteem is causing unnecessarily high fear of failure?

It’s not an exact science, but you may have unreasonably low self esteem if you do one or more of these things:

Your inner dialogue is critical and unkind

Even on good days, your inner dialogue sounds like a fucked-up drill sergeant who’s thrilled when you make a mistake. You drop a screw in the garage and that little voice screams into life: See? You are a piece of shit.

You compare yourself to others

You scroll through Instagram and compare yourself, your situation, or your work to the glossy photos and videos of someone else. You wind up either feeling superior… or, most of the time, feeling inferior. Neither helps.

You struggle to make decisions

You have a constant battle with chronic indecision. Big decisions, like quitting your job or starting a business, are paralyzing. But even small decisions, like deciding where to eat or what to do with an extra three hours on a Saturday, are a struggle.

Criticism makes you crumble

That negative comment on your post last month still eats away at you. That one time someone at work called you out keeps you up at night. Criticism isn’t easy to deal with for anyone, but your inner voice seems to love the external validation that you do, in fact, suck.

Even if only one of these rings true, low self esteem is probably contributing to an unreasonably high fear of failure. And it’s probably why you don’t feel ready.

Listen. If you struggle with self esteem, you have experienced trauma in the past. Even if you don’t realize it. We’re going to talk through some powerful tools that can help you move forward. But real-world therapy can help even more.

Go talk to somebody.

Until then, how can we work through having low self esteem? How can we see ourselves in a more positive, accurate light?

Again, I’m no psychologist, but I have come across a few tools that can help boost self esteem in moments of decision.

My favorite one is the Evidence Inventory.

The Evidence Inventory

Let’s get to work. Think of the thing you feel like you’re not ready for. Is it a business that you want to start? Content that you want to create? A conversation you need to have?

Then write it down.

Write it in this format: I am not ready to ___

Focus on one thing at a time. Don’t build a list of things you’re not ready for. Your inner drill sergeant does not get to run rampant here.

Live with the statement in front of you for a few minutes. Say it out loud.

Then make two columns on your sheet of paper. On the left, write at the top of the column “Why this is true.” And on the right, “Why this is false.”

Start on the left. Build a list of facts, evidence, or thoughts that would make your “I’m not ready” statement true.

One big caveat: keep the focus on yourself.

Don’t list out market conditions, or the weather, or statistics. Stick to things that are about you: your performance, knowledge, and experience.

Let’s say you don’t feel ready to start that business. Some of my reasons that support this might be:

• I need to be better at marketing before launching a business
• I need to grow an audience before monetizing
• I am going to quit this like everything else I have started
• I need more experience

Keep adding things to the list until you run out of them.

Then move over to the right side. Create another list of facts, evidence, or thoughts that would make your “I’m not ready” statement false.

In other words, what evidence do you have that you are ready?

Remember, keep this focused on you. Your skills. Your knowledge. Your experience. On my list, I’d add things like:

• My products have generated almost $3 million dollars for other people’s businesses
• I’ve helped other people become millionaires
• I’ve started a successful business before
• I have gained a huge amount of business-related skills in the last five years

Again, keep adding items here until you run out. Anything that actually supports the idea that you are, in fact, ready.

Now you’ve got two lists. Before moving on, answer these questions:

1. Which list is longer?
2. Which list carries more weight?
3. How are you feeling now about your “I’m not ready…” statement?

We often focus solely on the evidence that supports that first pillar. And sometimes, all it takes to make that feeling go away is balancing the scales.

Simply seeing evidence that you are ready can be enough.

But what if it’s not?

What if you still feel like you’re not ready, even after both lists?

It’s time to take a good look at the evidence in the left column. It’s time to rip the sheet off of the ghosts that lurk there and see if there’s anything real beneath.

Run each item that lives in the left column through every one of these questions:

1. Is this a fact?
2. Or is this an opinion?
3. Is this true for everyone else?
4. If not, why is it true for you?
5. Where did this come from?
6. Is this a reliable source for critical life advice?
7. Would someone who loves me agree with this?
8. Is this based on comparing myself with someone else?
9. If so, is it a fair comparison?

When you’re finished, take a moment. Deep breath. Ask yourself: how are you feeling now about your “I’m not ready” statement?

Too often, our perspectives about ourselves are harsh, overly critical, or downright lies. And most of the time, we can only recognize this by seeing these perspectives in black and white.

They only show their true colors when we draw them out from the the shadowy corners of our mind, into the light of day.

The Evidence Inventory can be especially powerful if you involve other people. Surround yourself with an encouraging community who can hold you accountable. Bring in a friend, or a loved one, or even a peer to help you check your evidence. Their perspectives may surprise you.

(By the way, if you're looking for a community of creatives who are building their businesses, you might like the Futur Accelerator.)

Hopefully this exercise helps you chip away at that first pillar… but what about the others?

The Successful Outcome: Pillar Two

Where the first pillar focuses on ourselves, this one is stands tall on the thing we want to do, or make, or achieve.

It’s built up from our own definition of success and what we believe it will take to get there.

What does the win look like? Where is the goal post?

What do we have to do? What’s it going to take?

If the goal feels impossible, or the path looks like it’s too hard, you won’t feel ready.

It—the thing itself—is the problem.

Even though it probably isn’t.

See, this Pillar is actively maintained by a huge, hairy, hulking monster: perfectionism.

The pursuit of perfection can be a catalyst for greatness. Think of folks like Michelangelo. Monet. Steve Jobs. All perfectionists who achieved incredible things.

The dark side of perfectionism is just the opposite of achievement.

It is self sabotage.

Under the guise of seeking perfection, you create your own obstacles and barriers. Things that may end up impossible to overcome.

I know this because I’ve been there.

I’ve created my own roadblocks on projects. Stalled. Started new projects instead of finishing old ones. All under the guise of seeking perfection.

1. If it’s not finished, it can’t be judged.
2. If I don’t finish, I can’t fail.
3. And so… I don’t finish.

I don’t know about you… but this hits home for me.

Let’s take one of my personal goals as an example: To relaunch my website.

Ever since I closed my agency’s doors in 2016, I’ve been trying to figure out my personal website. I didn’t know who this thing should serve, what it should look like, or what it should say.

My idea for the site started out simple, but quickly became a tangled mess. And stayed that way for years.

Then, in 2021, I went public. I started a YouTube series in front of two million subscribers to finish the site. Public accountability. That’s what I needed.

It worked, for a while. And by the end of the series, the site was almost finished.

But then, life happened.

I was pulled away from the project to manage a new team, and then I completed a cross-country move. By the time I sat back down to work on the project six months later, things changed.

There were new technologies to learn. The design felt stale. The way I put the information together felt clunky. I needed to update so much of the content.

Time to start over… from scratch, of course.

And to this day, nearly seven years after starting the project, it’s still not done.

Did the site really need to be this complex?

Did I really need to learn Javascript?

Does the site really need to be perfect?

Probably not. That’s not the real reason why the site never launched.

It hasn’t launched because it’s not perfect yet. And if it’s not perfect, it will be judged. And critiqued. I will be ridiculed. I will fail.

Look… even at its worst, perfectionism is a protection mechanism. Think about it: If the win you want is impossible, then it’s not your fault if you can’t achieve it.

But is perfection really impossible?

Does the win have to look like we’ve planned?

Does it have to be this hard?

As perfectionists, we have a habit of painting an unrealistic picture of success.. and the path it requires. Our MVP stands for maximum value & perfection instead of a minimum viable product.

But again, it’s hard to recognize when you’re in the thick of it.

So how can you tell if you are plagued with perfectionism?

If one or more of these sounds like you, perfectionism may be holding up that second pillar:

You hold yourself to an unreasonable standard

The goals you set for yourself are nearly impossible. The finish line always seems out of reach. The task grows so large you feel overwhelmed. If you ain’t first, you’re last. You’ll either achieve perfection… or fail. There’s no middle ground.

You procrastinate

Your to-do list is full of projects and efforts that you’ll do tomorrow. You need to wait until you’ve got an uninterrupted 8 hours to even think about knocking them out. You’re passionate about them all, but something always seems to get in the way.

You don’t finish what you start

You’re ashamed of your not-done list. The unfinished courses, DIY projects, unread articles, websites, and business ideas haunt you. If only you had the time, resources, or knowledge to finish them…

You get stuck in the Learning Loop of Death

Ah, yes… my favorite form of procrastination. To do the thing well, you have to learn something. So you watch a video. Or buy a book. Or enroll in a course. The more you learn, the more you realize you need to know. The cycle continues… and becomes a habit of consumption.

You worry about living up to a past success

For a perfectionist, every new risk after a win feels harder to take on. If you’ve already succeeded in a major way, the next time you try feels heavier. As if failing this time would invalidate your last win. But do you want to be a one-hit wonder?

So… might you be a perfectionist? Maybe a little bit?

How the heck do we work through this one?! How are we supposed to rewire our brains away from high standards that feel so right?!

I’ve got two exercises for you. Let's dig in.

MVP: Minimally Viable Perfection

Perfectionism is an illogical and emotional monster with a weakness for logic & reason.

To defeat the perfectionism beast, we need to challenge it. We need to challenge our own definition of success and put our requirements to the test.

But to challenge things, we first need to understand them.

Here’s what you’re going to do first. Grab that pen and paper, and think of the thing you don’t feel quite ready for. Then answer this:

What does this look like… if it’s a success?

It’s a simple question. And you might be thinking, “ehh I’ll skip this part.” But hold up. Don’t go just yet. Because you probably haven’t done this.

You might think you have.

But I would wager a guess that the win in your head is fuzzy.

Perfectionism loves fuzziness. Moving targets feed the beast. It loves a finish line that isn’t ever really clear.

So let’s clarify.

Answer that question: What does the win look like?

Take a moment to write that down. Then we’re gonna talk about it.

Alright. I’ve got one thing to ask you: is this specific enough?

Say for example you want to be a YouTuber. That’s the goal that you don’t feel ready to tackle.

Well, being a YouTuber boils down to one thing: publishing content on YouTube.

Right?

Ok cool, let’s do this together! Grab your phone. Point it at the floor. Record 10 seconds of video. Then post it on YouTube.

Congratulations!! You’re a YouTuber!!

So… why isn’t enough?

Probably because the win you had in mind is a little more than that. It’s got baggage. It might actually have it’s own airport baggage claim area. We have to unpack those bags.

Let’s try again.

But this time, get specific. Describe every aspect of the win. Think it through until you can feel it, and taste it, and hear it. Spare no ink expense - with each pen stroke, you’re beating back that perfectionist beast.

In continuing the example, what does it mean to win at “Being a YouTuber?”

• Is there a specific amount of subscribers you need to have?
• Is there a certain amount of money you need to make?
• Does that money have to come from YouTube?
• Do you have to be full time? Or can you have a “real job” at the same time?
• Is there someone in your life that has to approve? Someone you have to prove wrong?
• Do your videos have to be of a certain quality?
• Do your videos have to cover a specific topic?

Ask and answer question like these. It’ll feel a lot like scraping ice off of a windshield: Tough at first, but then things heat up and it gets easier. Then you wind up being able to see very clearly.

I’m going to take a wild guess here.

Your win—the thing you don’t feel ready for—has something to do with an identity. Someone or some thing you’d like to become. This could be a personal identity or a professional one… like a YouTuber, or a freelancer, or a business owner.

If it is, it could be pretty tough to get specific with something so big.

So… break it down.

When you succeed at becoming this person, this thing, this identity, what does your day look like? How do you spend it from the moment you wake up to the moment you close your eyes? How do you feel throughout the day? What do you spend time on? What don’t you spend time on?

The ideal day is a powerful exercise that helps us see a realistic perspective of our goals. You may discover that the identity isn’t actually the thing you want… it’s the day it delivers.

But let’s say that your win has nothing to do with identity. Maybe it’s an experience, like giving a great talk in front of a live audience… what do you do then? In that case, describe the experience from end to end. Cover details like emotional states, audience size, and applause. Be specific.

You’ve defined your win, how do you feel about it?

Hopefully you’re feeling more confident. That it wasn’t as scary as it was before. We’ve ripped the sheet off of the ghost and now we can see what it is.

The devil isn’t in the details… clarity & peace of mind are.

But what if it’s still intimidating?

Let’s be honest: we set goals for ourselves that are too lofty. Perfectionism drives us to set benchmarks too high. High benchmarks are easy to abandon, and even easier not to start.

So let’s challenge it.

• Is this win possible for you? Why or why not?
• Are you holding yourself to a standard that’s too high?
• Could we cut this goal in half, or more?
• Do you really have to take it this far?
• Is every aspect of this win required?
• If this were the ultimate win, what would be the first milestone? Could I focus on that first?

Let’s go back to our YouTube example. To feel like you’ve “made it,” you need to have: a million subscribers, 100,000 views per video, and monthly check for $10k. Your content must be cinematic perfection that rivals the box office. And you have to focus on travel, with each video requiring a long and expensive trip somewhere exotic.

• Do you really need all that to “win?”
• Do you need a million subscribers? Why?
• Do you really need $10k per month? Why?
• Does that $10k per month need to come from the channel? Or could it come from somewhere else? Why?
• Do your videos need to be cinematic masterpieces? Why?
• Do you need to make travel videos? Or could you make… anything else? Why?

If this is you, you might realize that what you want, deep down inside is simply control over your time. You want to feel financially free. You want to travel. You want people to recognize you as someone of importance. And you want to be creative.

You can accomplish each one of those in many ways.

And all of that doesn’t have to come from one thing.

Don’t feel betrayed here.

I’m not suggesting you give up on all your hopes and dreams.

I am demanding that we move away from black-and-white thinking. The all-or-nothing perfectionist mindset. The mindset that if the win can’t be perfect, we obviously aren’t ready.

That’s bullshit. Both you and I know it.

Define the win, then challenge it.

Cut it down to something you feel ready for.

Then attack.

Shop Time

I’ve been sitting here staring at an empty screen for 32 minutes.

I’m trying to write a great transition between the previous section and this one and it just isn’t coming out. I’m frustrated. And bored.

And at this point, I used to walk away.

If the muse wasn’t visiting, I’d find something else to do until she arrived. Sometimes, she never did, and the project died. Sometimes it’d be months before she came back.

But now I’m doing something new.

Every morning, I write for two hours.

…or I do nothing.

I sit at my computer, a blank Notion page open and a cup of tea at hand. I am not allowed social media or the company of my chocolate lab, Oliver… who is a beautiful, slobbery distraction.

I write or I do nothing.

It’s a practice I learned from Neil Gaiman, the author of Coraline and so much more, in his masterclass on writing.

​

​

I’ve found some mornings to be incredibly productive. The words flow and my fingers can barely keep up with them. I rack up 1,500 words in 90 minutes and it feels like a blink.

Some mornings… not so much. I wrote 56 words one day. And deleted each one with malice the next day.

The hardest part about sitting down to write every morning… is sitting down. It’s the first five minutes.

But every day I do the work.

Picasso once said,

“Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”

You probably know who Picasso is and might know a few of his paintings. But you probably don’t know that he produced nearly 150,000 pieces of art over his 78-year career.

How many of these are considered masterpieces?

A tiny fraction.

The muse only visits when you’re doing the work.

So… what does all this have to do with tackling that second pillar?

Writing, for me, is the habit at the base of all good things.

Nearly all the things that I want… and that I don’t feel ready for… are born from writing.

So I write.

Writing might not be your thing, but I bet there’s something you can do every day that will move you toward what you want.

My challenge for you is to spend 90 minutes every day doing that thing… or nothing else.

Let’s call it shop time.

Clear all your distractions. Set your timer. Sit down. And do the work. Do this every day.

But don’t do it for the wrong reasons. Do the work for a single, simple purpose: to do the work. It’s not to get results, those will arrive later. It’s not to impress. In fact, your work may never see the light of day, and that’s OK.

Don’t perform. Do the work.

Even if it’s inconsequential. Or not your best work. Or feels like it won’t make a difference in the long run.

Just do the work.

Do the work and something will shift. The goal—the thing you don’t feel ready for—becomes simple. It’s just something you do every day. That’s a win everyone can accomplish.

It’s your work, not your worth.

Change the orientation of our goal to doing instead of performing. Check the box instead of checking for likes.

Get some shop time - can you commit to 90 minutes per day for the next seven days?

If that seems too scary…

Can you give me five? Could you give yourself five minutes every day for the next seven days to sit down and do the work?

It doesn’t have to be much. And that angry, howling voice in your head that’s screaming “Five minutes is nothing, that’s not going to do anything!!”

Yeah. That’s perfectionism.

(BTW that voice sounds like Professor Snape in my head. You?)

I’m telling you: try it. Give yourself five minutes per day for seven days in a row. If it feels good, keep going. If not, you’ve already met your commitment.

By taking that one insignificant action every day, you’ll create motivational inertia. You’ll want to do more. You’ll feel safe in action instead of inaction feeling safe.

The Consequence of Failure: Pillar Three

Our third and final pillar that props up our fear of failure is all about what you think will happen… if you fail.

(Or if you listen to that drill sergeant in your head, it’s more like, “What will happen when you inevitably fail.” See how sneaky that fucker is?)

When the consequence of failure outweighs the reward of success, the scales of decision making tip towards inaction.

But… that’s a good thing.

It’s why most of us don’t rob banks. The reward might be a fat bag of cash… but the consequence of failure is spending a massive chunk of your life in prison.

Weighing risk and reward and the likelihood of each is what a healthy mental operating system does.

But here’s the problem: our OS’s have bugs.

And the bug that makes the third pillar grow unreasonably tall is something called catastrophic thinking.

When we catastrophize, we imagine that the worst case scenario is the probable one.

You won’t create that online course because:

…it won’t work for people. And it will ruin your professional reputation. And you’ll get fired from your job in disgrace. And you’ll never be able to work again. That causes your family to starve and eventually leave. Then you’re evicted from your home, causing you to live in a box down by the river. Where you inevitably freeze to death in your sleep.

Is this scenario possible? Sure.

Is it likely? No.

Lots of people worry that selling an online course will ruin their reputation. They’re worried about being seen as some kind of fake guru. They’re worried about the shame that will follow.

Is this scenario possible? I guess.

Is it likely? Nope.

The likely outcome from failing at launching a course is that you make a few sales. Out of those folks, you have a few people who love the content and a few people who never watch it. You might have one that wants a refund.

And that’s it.

No disgrace. No eviction. No freezer box.

Here’s the truth: the most probable consequence of failing is never the worst case. That’s why I hate this gem of cliche advice: “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Ask any catastrophic thinker what the worst case scenario is. If you give them enough time, they’ll always land on one answer:

Death!

It’s funny to think about, but the worst-case in every case is death. It’s like a morbid edition of six degrees of separation. That’s a great idea for a series of short-form content…

If that’s the worst case…

and our decision-making algorithm weighs the consequence of failure against the reward of success…

Catastrophic thinking is the quickest way not to do something.

We freeze because we’re worried about the minute chance of the worst-case. These consequences feel so real. They feel like a threat, especially as you near a decision that requires bold and decisive action.

So how can you tell if you are a catastrophic thinker? How can you tell if your projected consequences of failure are overly dramatic and not grounded in reality?

See if you can relate to any of these:

You treat life like a game of chess.

You’re constantly evaluating your next move, and their next move, and you’ve got plans A-Z at the ready. Unpredictable games stress you out. You realize that your opponent might just be the universe, but you’re prepared: Plan M addresses that.

You worry about everything

You worry about what might happen in the future and what happened in the past. You worry about the people you know and the people you don’t. You even worry about how much you worry. You might have anxiety, or you might be catastrophizing. Both are worrisome.

You easily see the downside

You think you’re a realist. People think you’re a pessimist. Being prepared for the worst feels good. By expecting negativity, you feel safe. But it feels tough to let go of those negative thoughts. You can’t seem to shake them.

You use overblown language

You might use extreme language as a part of your day to day life. You use words like disaster, catastrophe, and train wreck to describe the mundane. Is your messy room really a train wreck? Have you ever seen a train wreck?! Irony or sarcasm might just be catastrophic thinking said out loud.

You secretly cling to success

You mentally white-knuckle every win: a work achievement, a healthy relationship, or even an exercise streak. Externally, you belittle these things. Internally, you shrink from anything that threatens your track record. Even opportunities for new wins.

Balance the scale

Catastrophic thinking happens. It’s OK.

I’m gonna say that one more time for the anxious people in the back: catastrophic thinking happens. And it’s gonna be OK.

What’s missing for many of us is what should happen after the catastrophic thought:

“Ha. That’s crazy.”

The snap-back to reality (oop, there goes gravity) seems to slap a “Silly” label on the thought. Then it ties a balloon to it, and allows it to float away without consequence.

But, if none of these thoughts float away, they build up.

The risk and reward scale in your head falls out of whack.

We need balance.

It’d be great if we could sweep through all the catastrophizing we’ve done with an army of balloons…

But I don’t think it works that way.

At least for me, the thoughts are already there. They are grounded in "logic," so attacking them on that front might be futile. I mean.. the freezer box isn’t impossible!

If we can’t get rid of the bad, the only way to balance the scale is by adding more good.

That’s exactly what we’re going to do.

We’re going to balance the scale.

Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Think of that thing you don’t feel ready for. Is it a new venture? A tough conversation? An activity you’ve been dreaming of?

Write it down in this format:

“I don’t feel ready to ___ because if I fail…”

Then draw a line straight down the middle of the page.

On the left side, write down every single thing you’re worried about happening… if you fail.

A “worry list,” if you will.

See how far you can go with it. Get to the point where your dark humor clicks in and you chuckle at things as you write them down. What’s your freezer box?

Now comes the fun part.

On the right side, we’re going to do the opposite. Instead of a worry list, we’re going to build a hope list. For every catastrophic item on the right, we’re going to write one on the left. And here’s the key:

Every item on the hope list has to match the intensity of it’s partner on the worry list.

Think of it like Newton’s Burns’ third law: For every worry there is an equal and opposite hope.

So let’s say you don’t feel ready to start your own business because if it fails…

Left: You won’t be able to pay your rent and you’ll get kicked out of your nice apartment.

Right: You decide to live in your van, start a van life YouTube channel, and make millions.

Or maybe…

Left: You’ll have a gap in your resume from the business and you won’t be able to get a job.

Right: You interview with a successful entrepreneur who understands your experience. She offers you a job, and promises to mentor you until you’re ready to try again.

It’s gonna feel silly.

That’s the point! It’s all silliness: the good, the bad, the in-between. We can’t predict what will happen. The whole point is to embrace the catastrophic thoughts and balance them with hope.

Write your hope list.

Do this enough, and it will become the way you think: When the catastrophic thought pops in, so will the hopeful one.

Balanced. As all things should be.

You don’t feel ready… and that’s OK

Here’s the bottom line. The brass tacks: If you don’t feel ready, you’re afraid to fail.

The good news is that you don’t need to overcome this fear. That’s silliness. But you can work through it.

Tackle those pillars. Use the evidence inventory, build your MVP, spend some shop time, and balance the scale.

Then work through this feeling of not being ready… this fear of failing.

Accepting this fear taking action anyway will unlock incredible rewards: You will make better decisions. Decisions made from a position of fear are garbage. You will live happier in your head. Let’s banish that drill sergeant. You will have better relationships. You’ll be more trusted and more trusting. You will be more successful. You will be open to more opportunities, and less skeptical.

You got this. You can have this. You can do this.

And the thing is, the stakes will never be lower than they are right now. You won’t have any less responsibilities. It won’t seem less scary.

I know you don’t feel ready. But you can do it anyway.

Here’s the key: Love yourself. Love all of yourself.

Even the parts of you that will always keep you from feeling ready.

When you can accept yourself and accept the fact that you may never feel ready…

…you will do it anyway.

Because you are enough.

​

All the best,

Ben Burns

​