Finding the help you need

Hey Reader,

You know how sometimes you’ll see the same person, or symbol, or pattern everywhere? And it feels like the universe might just be trying to tell you something… or the matrix is actually real?

That’s how today’s issue came about.

It came up in four unique conversations with four separate people over the course of two days.

I figure that’s a good a sign as any.

So… let’s dig in.

The path to success in most other professions is paved and proven, with mile markers and a clearly measured destination. It might be a hard, steep road… but it exists.

We don’t have that.

Finding success in a creative career is like blazing a trail through a dense thicket. It’s a journey we have to make on our own, but without help, we can feel lost.

We can get hung up in the thorns of imposter syndrome, or get stuck in the mud of creative block. An easier path could be within arms reach, but we can’t it through the thick fog of overthinking.

Without help, our journey can be incredibly difficult.

Today we’re going to talk about getting the help you need. The help that can get you from where you are now to where you want to be:

Therapy, coaching, and mentorship.

We’re going to take a little look at each one and I’ll try to answer the questions I had at the beginning of my career:

• What’s the differences between them?
• When should we seek out each one?
• How should each work?
• And… how do we find the help we need?

Before we get too deep, though… a disclaimer:

These are my opinions. I write from my perspective and from my experience. I’ve spent time in therapy, working with coaches, being mentored, and I’ve hired consultants. I’ve also been fortunate to coach, mentor, and consult for others.

I’ve been there.

But I am not a mental health professional. And I haven’t worn your shoes. So if you think you may benefit from working with a mental health professional for any reason… do it.

Therapy

As many of you know, I took a lengthy intermission from my creative career: I put down the Pantone book and mouse and picked up a badge and a gun.

After five years, I stepped away from that career stronger and more resilient than I’d ever been.

But I also carried trauma with me.

I’d seen the worst of people. Violence. Rage. Jealousy. Greed. Tragedies that had no reasonable explanation or justification.

I needed to heal.

This is where therapy shines: Healing from the trauma of our past and understanding how it impacts the way we operate.

Therapy allows us to move forward by looking backwards.

And inwards.

The mistake that many of us make, however, is believing our past isn’t traumatic enough to warrant therapy. That because we may not be struggling with depression, or anxiety, or any other mental health issue… we don’t belong in therapy.

But here’s the deal: Therapy has no minimum trauma requirement.

The critical voice in your head that whispers “That piece isn’t good enough to post,” might just belong to Sally from third grade, who teased you once about one of your drawings.

In my opinion, everyone can benefit from a good therapist.

But if you’ve noticed a pattern of thinking or a belief that isn’t healthy or helpful, therapy can be a godsend.

And guess what? Therapy can help with your personal life… and your professional life.

Here’s an example:

One of the most common patterns I’ve noticed that holds creatives back is the never-ending belief that we are “not good enough.” Imposter syndrome. This is usually deeply rooted in our past, and a therapist can help us understand the why and equip us with tools to help.

So… how do you find a good therapist?

Well, the great thing about therapists is they are required to be certified, licensed, and educated. There’s probably a curated list of them near you. I found mine through our health insurance.

I’ve also heard good things about using an app called Better Help (though I haven’t used it myself). This connects you with therapists remotely.

But… spoiler alert: Finding a good fit is a process of trial and error. For all three categories.

The best way to find the one that works for you is to try them out. Spend a few hours in sessions with different folks. There are so many factors that will help guide this decision, but usually your intuition will be spot on.

Coaching

I’m gonna be honest here: I’m scared to talk about this.

The internet is rife with gurus, life coaches, and thought leaders all vying for attention by making grandiose promises of wealth and happiness. It’s hard to know what’s real.

A lot of it makes me want to puke.

I still proudly wear the identity of a Designer (note the capital D). But when I honestly look at my day-to-day… I find myself doing more coaching, managing, and mentoring than pushing pixels in Figma.

I hold weekly group coaching calls for our members. I manage people on my team. I spend time 1:1 with creatives in need every week.

I coach… and I’m damn good at it.

But I don’t want to wear that label. I don’t want to be a member of that tribe. I don’t want my name associated with any of the grifters or scammers out there.

I want to help creatives win.

And that is what good coaches do. They help people succeed. They help us get to point B. They help us win.

Good coaching helps us clarify what we want, improve our performance, overcome obstacles, and achieve success.

Coaching looks forward and inward… not backward.

And while we may heal in the process, coaching often works in spite of trauma instead of working on it. Good coaching may even leverage those negative patterns of thought for success instead of attempting to change them.

And that’s why I think therapy is so important.

As a coach, I can help you succeed. But if you believe that you’re not good enough… or that you don’t deserve good things… external success will not heal that internal wound.

In my opinion, therapy and coaching are best served together.

But, if you’ve already done the deep work—or you’re mentally in good shape—coaching can help you succeed faster, easier, and with less pain.

And sometimes, all you need is help you clarifying what you want.

That’s why I worked with Coach Kym Medina and Eric Moore. These two incredible people helped me navigate a really tough year.

I’m not a person that is slow to act, shy to try new things, or scared of challenge.

But in all honesty, I got to a point where I didn’t know where I wanted to take my career. I was (and sometimes still am) a scattered mess of loose ends and unfinished thoughts.

Without a destination, I felt lost.

Working with Kym and Eric, I was able to clarify what I wanted. I was able to take an honest look at my skills and achievements and values. I clarified my passion:

To help creative people make a living on their own terms.

I knew, deep down, that this was the answer. But I needed their help to get there. Now, I’ve set goals in alignment with my passion, and have started working towards them. This email is evidence of that.

Coaching helps by unlocking answers, abilities, and decisions from within ourselves.

While they aren’t usually the ones that hand out answers, coaches help us answer questions. And while they won’t tell us what to do next, they’ll hold us accountable to commitments we make.

Coaching can make the difference between almost and there.

If you’re facing a hefty goal, or feeling stuck, or unclear… you’re probably ready to find a coach.

So how do you sift through all the crap and find a good one?

Man. This is tough.

The best way to find a good coach is to get a referral from someone that you know and trust. Hopefully someone who has a similar goal or obstacle that you’re facing. If they’ve worked with someone they love, that’s your first stop.

But that may be unlikely.

In that case, focus on finding one that has a proven track record of helping people achieve similar goals. That can be tough to do.

Instead of relying on the copy on their sales page, or the testimonials, reach out to the potential coach, and ask them if they’ve helped someone in your shoes. Then ask to contact that client.

One thing I’ve noticed that might help: The best coaches I’ve known aren’t wizards at social media. They’re often great writers, but aren’t fabulous at maximizing the algorithms. Take that for what it’s worth, I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule.

Whatever you do, I would not recommend working with a coach with little to no experience in coaching (or little life experience, while we’re at it). This can be a recipe for disaster.

I probably did a hundred 1:1 calls with creatives before ever feeling OK asking for money.

Since then, I’ve coached over 1,500 people in small-group, paid settings, and 70+ people have paid for private, individual coaching with me.

And no: this doesn’t include the countless 1:1 calls I’ve had with folks in between it all for no charge.

Many of my people have gone on to close high-budget work, scale their businesses, get great jobs, and become leaders in their fields.

And I’m only now comfortable saying I am a good coach.*

Bottom line: Ask for a recommendation from your network. Look for and verify experience. Beware bravado and grandiose promises. Watch out for the social media gurus.

But don’t write off coaching as a whole. It can help.

Mentorship

A good mentor can make a creative career.

Remember the thicket metaphor?

Imagine that you were hacking your way through, and you stumbled on someone else’s path that had already been blazed! Sure, you might have to clear a little overgrowth or hack around a fallen tree every once and a while… but it’s infinitely easier.

That’s the power of mentorships.

Finding a mentor means you can borrow their experience to make your own decisions.

Which is exactly what sets mentorship apart.

A mentor will help you by relying on their own personal experience and knowledge to help guide you to a similar level of success that they have achieved. They will provide the answers - and sometimes will tell you you’re asking the wrong question.

They’re helping you take the path they took to arrive where they are.

That’s the key to a good mentorship: You need to be working towards the success that your mentor has already achieved.

If they haven’t been there and done that… you’re not being mentored. You’re being coached.

Finding a mentor can be tricky.

You’re looking for someone who has not only achieved the success you want… but also is willing to spend time helping someone along the way.

It’s best to look for someone who is two or three steps ahead of where you are - go too far forward, and their path may be too overgrown.

There are so many people who would make fantastic mentors who are busy professionals actively working on the next phase of their journey.

And just like good coaches, most good mentors are typically not maestros of the social medias.

And because they’re busy, a mentorship proposal is typically not a great way to kickstart that relationship. I get this question all the time:

“Will you mentor me?”

Oof. That’s a hard one to say no to. But just picture how much commitment these folks are asking for. The ask implies a whole host of time, energy, and mental bandwidth… without end.

F o r e v e r.

So let’s not propose. But I also don’t like what most thought leaders recommend: Begging for free or low paid work in order to learn from them. In my mind, that’s asking for just as much commitment… but then I also owe you money.

Not good.

Instead, I recommend just starting by asking for their advice on something small. Something that shouldn’t take a long time to answer. Something that they recognize would have changed the game when they were in your shoes.

It can go something like this:

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That’s it. That’s the start of a mentorship.

If they receive the first question well, and answer it with enthusiasm, ask them if you can do anything for them in return. And be sure to say thanks.

Then, after a little while, ask for another bit of advice.

Maybe ask if they can jump on a call. Continue to offer value to them in return. Continue to ask for advice. Continue to recognize that they can and might say no at any time.

Once you have good rapport, then you can pop the question.

But make sure that the ask is time-boxed and finite. Ask them to mentor you for the next three months to achieve a specific goal. Outline how often you think would be reasonable to communicate to them, and make sure they know they can say no.

And hopefully… they say yes :)

Remember, mentorship is a fantastic way to borrow someone else’s experience in order to achieve a goal that they have accomplished.

It’s a look backwards on their journey, but forwards towards yours… because you share the same path.

In Conclusion

Our journeys can all be made just a little bit easier if we have the right kind of help. Therapy, coaching, and mentorship are all fantastic if used properly and for the right reason. Here’s a quick review:

Therapy

• A look backwards to heal and understand trauma.
• Helpful for overcoming thinking and beliefs that are not helping or healthy.
• Look for a certified professional who feels comfortable.

Coaching

• A look forwards towards accomplishing a goal.
• Helpful when you’re starting towards a goal or feeling stuck or unclear.
• Look for a someone with experience getting results you want.

Mentorship

• A look backwards on their journey to help you move forward on yours.
• Helpful when you know who has done what you want to do.
• Look for someone who has succeeded where you want to.

I sincerely hope this helps. There are so many opinions on this stuff out there, and hopefully mine brings you clarity and peace.

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Here’s to finding the help you need!

Ben Burns

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P.S. *I’ve been coaching for the last six years, so this is probably one of my own limiting beliefs. But I like to set the bar high for myself.

P.P.S. There are some mentors/coaches who can switch between coach mode and mentor mode. That’s a superpower that not many of us have: Not only to have experience to draw from… but also to know what mode is appropriate for the moment. It’s a tricky balance to strike, but if you can find someone who can do that… hold on to them.

P.P.P.S. I’m not trying to sell any coaching here: This topic came up so often this week, I couldn’t resist sharing. Sincerely hope this helps!

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